I turn inside of myself and look back into my past; into nothing. The best time in life was barely present. I wish I could go back and tell that nice little boy to be stronger, to be brave; but I can't. He had his chance. I burn, I scream, I despair on these thoughts of the past. I realize that I had barely lived, but just existed. It's too late now and my thoughts feed on this grief. The grief creates tears that burn my skin, unable to ease the pain. I float in hopelessness, for the time is gone and the boy is a man now. The end. A beginning for everything flows and we live to change; We live to learn. The future's still open and to be lived like the past has been wasted. And with hope in my heart I look forward..

I embrace, the depths of oblivion. I am engaged to the escapeable end. The void, that once was a strength, consuming, and fears became too intense; Destructive.

I behold the days that are numbered. In my prediction, the end has been forseen. I am unable to accept this failure. As weak as I am; I have no strength in me to pretend. The throne, that once marked my strength, is now a token of my failure.

Indifference, is my excuse
And ignorance, my refuge
My twisted personality,
Being senseless is my reality.

The topic I would like to touch today is a not-so-recent youtube video that has been revolving around Pakistan. It was about VJ Waqar telling(more like humiliating) a 'Defence-wanna-be' girl how to be a true Pakistani. According to VJ Waqar, the girl should have spoken pure Urdu; not a word of English. So he completely humiliated the girl, on air.

According to VJ Waqar:
The girl wrote in her description that she hated Pakistan. This was because of the usual reasons. Load-shedding, thefts, no facilities etc. HOW DARE SHE WRITE, SHE HATES PAKISTAN?! (Again, according to VJ Waqar) Girls should not speak English if they don't know how to. People(like that girl) should not be even allowed to remain on this soil if they don't love their country.

Giving a self-opinion of why Shehzeen(the girl) did that:
Well, mainly to act cool. She might have heard people saying that Pakistan's going to the dogs. She thought she'd rephrase it in her own words to 'fit in'. No harm meant. She must have written 'I hate Pakistan' because she considered other countries as better places. Even that point can be accepted.

Now, according to me:
I think VJ Waqar was way out of line and was completely wrong about his concepts. Even I felt weird when I heard she had written 'I hate Pakistan'; but I mean COME ON! She's a freakin' girl. Doesn't she deserve respect and a right to say what she wants? Everybody makes mistakes they regret later. Waqar isn't totally a best-man himself. I really don't think that beating up wrong-doers is a patriotic step. Going around like he rules the place; makes me sick!
The problem with this guy is the fact that he thinks everything can be solved on the tip of a sword. This is plain 'Ghunda-gardi'(<-- Emphasis). I think she has the right to say what she wants. Be it, she hates Pakistan. She's still living in it, right? This country was made on this basis; democracy. The right to say what you want, and do what you must. Free we are, and free we must remain.

Now that I started writing, I'll write another. (with a different approach)

The usual 'thinking-bulb' is back on. How easy it is to give an advice, and how hard it is to follow your own. The conversation goes like:

1st person: Pakistanis should do something about traffic problems. 'Pakistan Quid-e-Azam se chalta hay'(In this sense, it means money)
2nd person: Pakistan should improve the infrastructure.
And they went on and on and on and on and on....

Why don't they just shut the F#&@ up?! What do they mean by 'Pakistanis'? Are they not one of us?! Would saying 'we' be unbearably painful for them?! -sigh-

And that's where I knew my answer. I knew what our problem was, as I'm sure everyone does. All we can do is place our tushie on a fluffy little cushion and talk all we want. We can give 'advices', 'suggestions' and 'opinions'; but we never get our butts off of that cushion and try to change the world we live in. We criticize the people who actually want to make a difference. We point our fingers to the person who wants to do good. The worst part is; WE put our trust on the damned ones. We put our trust on the people who just care to how much we put in their pockets.

Ironically, the funny part is that we have just one answer: ''What can we do about it? I'm just one person, what big can I do?" That's plain pathetic. It takes one small pebble to bring down an avalanche. One small rock to take down an unstable cliff. YOU make a difference, they will follow. Me? I'm already way ahead of you. Convince a group, make them convince more. Convince the school, convince the area. Atleast TAKE A FREAKIN' STEP!! The thing is we don't want to make a change. We just want to get on with the roughed-up life we're used to. We throw bricks, at the person who wants those bricks to lay the foundations of a better life.

I noticed one very important thing. Do you remember on what date did Pakistan win the world cup this time? I asked this question a number of times from various people. Guess what? 90% of them.. don't remember. It really hurts to see that we don't value anything anymore. We, of all people, were the ones saying that WE can never win the World Cup!! It's more like a slap in the face for all those who did.

Bring a positive change in yourself. Inspire others, make them see the light. Raise a hand, raise a voice. Take a step now. Divided we fail, united we rule. Divided we fail, united we rule. DIVIDED WE FAIL, UNITED WE RULE!

Okay, I know I haven't written for a long time; but I seriously don't get any time. Lately, people have come to hasty conclusions about who I am and what I believe in. I live with 2 different parts of who I am.
1) Who I am online;
2) Who I am when I talk face-to-face;

So today, I'm going to write a short description about this 'duo-personality' I have been living with.

Personality (1):
Let's start off with the conclusions drawn through this blog. 'Black background', 'Blood' etc. The impression that I've been told is that I'm this 'Gothic-Emo' person, who's fascinated by nasty things. I like the colour Black, and so it has no relation to the crazy and un-humane stuff that I write. All that I've written so far is just a result of MAJOR boredom. Writing random stuff is what I do. I'm kind of well-known for that. If you tell a person(who knows me) I wrote this blog, he would never believe it. It's just something I do when I'm seriously out of things to do. I mean, you can't blame me. It really is very boring at 4 or 5 in the morning. Online(i.e Facebook, MSN), I'm even differnet. I make no sense, but I remain VERY optimistic. Giving away stupid comments and cracking a joke once(maybe thrice) in a while.

Personality (2):
If you exclude the internet, I'm a wholly different person. No pessimism; whatsoever. I go about a normal routine. Socializing, getting involved in sports, hanging out with friends that have no affiliation with the dark side. Leave me in a party with some loud music, you'll see me on the dance floor in less than a minute :D Nevertheless, teenage life is problematic. I go through bad times, and good times. Though that doesnt alter my mood. Nothing does, as a matter-of-fact(Except boredom).

So there we go. A small description of who I am inside-out and outside-in(Huh?) Peace..